Thursday, May 28, 2015

E.M. Bryant vs. The "Glamorous" Life of a Writer

Something tells me that Christina Dodd and Eloisa James don't have these kinds of problems.....

On Sunday night, my smoke detector started chirping. I barely heard it, but Thor-cat took notice. By the time the sun was out, the chirping was more like a reminder of how behind I was/am -- and how pissed off my cat could get when properly annoyed.

So, I bought a battery at the discount store, stuck it in, reset the tester button, and carried on with my day.

At hour 4 of writing, the chirping began again.

Four days later, the smoke detector is still chirping -- only it's not really chirping anymore. No, chirping implies birds, which people often mistake for morning and sunshine and spring and general merriment.

This is not the case.

The "chirping" is more like a demonic lull into the abyss. "Get out of bed and hit me with a sledgehammer," it says at around 3am. I don't do this, of course. I rent.

And a sledgehammer would be too kind.

Sleep deprivation is expected when the devil is trying your patience every night. What is NOT expected is the one thousand tiny and minuscule things that become huge daily obstacles.

Tuesday morning, while hurrying to get a shower in before starting my day job, I dropped my fresh-from-the-dryer towel in the toilet. After retrieving said towel from toilet, I dropped it on the floor, sloshing toilet water in every direction. I grabbed the damn towel, flung it into the washer (which is conveniently nestled right outside the door), then returned to the bathroom only to lose my footing and almost tumble into the bathtub.

Show me a graceful writer. Show me. Then show me a living T-Rex. 

Wednesday (a.k.a. Day of Smoke Detector Reckoning), I get home...and am relieved to hear silence. S-I-L-E-N-C-E. Maintenance has quieted the devil. I can write all evening, undisturbed. Then I can go to bed and SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.

All was going swell until around 1am.


I'm hallucinating. The smoke detector is fixed, right? It's all in my head, right?


Too much toilet water was absorbed through my skin. This is ridiculous. I'm just hearing things!


I've developed an infection from the toilet water. That's all this is. A quick trip to urgent care and everything will be fine...


Okay, I'm awake.  

Thursday morning, my landlord assures me the smoke detector will be exorcised. All will be well.

I try to be optimistic, but deep down I'm not. It's nothing personal. In fact, I'm a huge fan of my apartment complex. ...But the damn thing is possessed. Or the device is defective. And that's pretty much the same thing.

Last night, after dropping my house keys into a giant spider web, I reminded myself that despite the sleepless nights and toilet water breach, I have a warm home, a cozy bed, and good writing nook.

.....I just hope the burst of optimism lasts through tonight in case the devil returns. And he is a bastard.


New summer stuff is coming!!! STAY TUNED

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